Scarcity and Abundance

I remember realizing quickly into my freshman year at Wheaton that I looked, studied, and dreamed very similarly to my peers. I did well in highschool and had a good GPA. So did they. I had been in 40 clubs; they were in 50. I sung in a respectable choir and was proud of our reputation; they had toured with the African Children's Choir and sung duets with Celine Dion at sporting events. Like 50% of my class, I entered school as a pre-med major hoping to do global health. My spiritual life appeared the same (and weaker) than the guys on my floor. I was a small group leader and helped led worship at my church; they helped coin the phrases "life group" and multiplication, had prayer charts, sang at youth conventions, and had autographed Bibles from John Piper and C.S. Lewis. For the first time in my life, I didn't feel...special. I did not stand out. So, instead of thriving at this great place of learning and community, I found myself in crisis. Jealousy, depression, and apathy insidiously perverted perspective.

Henri Nouwen, one of my favorite authors (are you tired of hearing?), called such thinking "scarcity mentality." In a short piece called "The Temptation to Hoard," Nouwen describes that scarcity mentality "involves hoarding whatever we have, fearful that we won't have enough to survive." With scarcity as our understanding of the world, we have a lower threshold to envy, judge, and withhold love. We furiously measure ourselves against others and sigh exhausted breaths of relief when people fail. In The Road to Peace, Nouwen elaborates that scarcity mentality produces a "greed (that) extends not only to material goods but also to knowledge, friendships, and ideas." With blurry and unfocused perspective, we become critical, depressed, and even more unfulfilled.

I wish that I could say that three-and-a-half more years of college, wise counsel, and prayer fixed me, and I never struggled with "scarcity mentality" anymore. However, this is just not the case. So many times over the past year, I have thought about this tension and hoped things would get better. I feel the need to perform, produce, and stand out. Competition and hope of accolade become chief motivations - and yet, I find (as at Wheaton) that 1) it does not work and 2) I feel worse than when I started.

So what if I (we) lived with an "abundance mentality" - at work, school, with our friends, with our family? With realization that there is enough and that we each have something to bring to the table, our workplaces and communities are richer and more fulfilling. Again in The Road to Peace, Nouwen states that abundance mentality actually becomes the foundation for real community, where "we each give what we have to one another." Communities of generosity cultivate minds and hearts that look toward the needs of others (justice) and pursue relationship (peace). I believe that this "abundance mentality" is only possible through relationship with Jesus Christ.

So, it looks nice on paper, yes? At Thanksgiving more than ever, I want to foster a heart of gratitude and attitude of abundance as I appreciate all that God has done/continues to do. Cognitively, I know that my life is abundant. Becoming more of a realist, I appreciate that just affirming these words and writing them down is not in itself going to prevent me from envying my colleague with more clout, publications, and favor tomorrow morning. Fighting this struggle will likely be a daily, bloody battle, waged with prayer and community with people like you.

"May there be abundance of grain in the land;
on the tops of the mountains may it wave;
may its fruit be like Lebanon;
and may people blossom in the cities
like the grass of the field!"
-Psalm 72:16