turning it off

By now most normal people my age are entering their REM cycle and the sweet land of dreams. I, however, am wide awake and inspired. For some reason, my peak hours of productivity are between 9 pm and tomorrow. My body clock seems to set me up to fail, taking a while to get going in the morning (translation: snooze abuse and pushing through the grog) and gradually peaking until 9 pm when I am on my game and ready for anything.

I have to laugh as I remember that I have always been this way. Truth be told, I just like to be awake. My parents had to fight me to go to bed as a child. I was that kid that fell asleep at the top of the stairs (see previous post) in order to hear the conversation or movie being watched downstairs. I don't want to miss anything!

In highschool, being a night owl was a means of survival. After the endless line of activities (with which as an "ESFP" I felt an obligation to be involved) after school, I had to stay up until 11 or 12 to finish homework or study for exams. My mom would beg me to abandon the schoolwork to sleep. I could not bring myself to sacrifice a percentage point for sleep.

College was a disaster as I not only exhausted myself with activities but also had friends and fun at my disposal around the clock, 24/7. I remember getting sick one day in biology lab simply because of sleep deprivation. My night owl ways were also affecting my roomies and earning myself a reputation of a professional "snoozer." I earned a name for myself on my dorm floors as the guy with 4 alarm clocks.

Medical school ushered in a new era of responsibility with getting up on time. My old highschool and college friends had a hard time believing that I was getting to class and the wards on time, but I actually earned a reputation of being punctual and responsibly early to care for patients. However, the nighttime trouble with "turning it off" remained as I continued to hit my peak around 9 pm.

Perhaps you are thinking, "Why don't you just force yourself to go to bed earlier? Then, you won't be tired in the morning and you will actually be ready for bed at a reasonable hour." I think that idea is brilliant but it somehow never pans out for me. I try to discipline myself to go to bed at 1030 or soon after, but I always find something interesting to do and consider it a waste to squelch passionate, inspired energy.

So, I find myself reading books I have always wanted to read, decorating Easter cupcakes with my grandparents until 2 am (genetics, anyone?), catching up on Lost episodes, and writing blog entries that just cannot wait until morning.

I do not consider myself completely undisciplined and do not think I am manic. Rather, I think I enjoy being up, to be awake and experience, to suck the marrow out of life or insert other cheesy cliché here. Internship may rock this entire schedule where sleep will be at such a premium that I just take it whenever I can get it.

Until then, I choose to blog over sleeping and know that I will gradually, however imperceptibly (and early), be able to turn it off.